I haven’t blogged in a month. Not that anyone has really missed me but me. But still, this is the longest stretch in a while that I haven’t posted something on the internet for someone other than me to read. This is even more interesting given my lack of social media. Which, by the way, I’ve been feeling lately. But I’ve decided this silence on my part is good, at least for now.
I rarely decide to do stuff very far in advance. When I gave up Facebook in March, it was the result of a whole 36 hours of processing. When I chose what I was going to have for dinner last night, I did so while in my car driving to the place where I got dinner. This choice was decided, primarily, by driving past restaurants until I had very few choices left.
But, more than that, I often don’t realize that I have chosen to do something until long after it has started. For instance, I haven’t blogged in a month. This morning I realized that I had chosen not to blog because before I could continue to produce output for others to consume, I needed to be okay with me and God. I had chosen not to blog because I worry that—with a platform from which to speak—I will make every meaningful experience or thought into something to be recorded and shared rather than lived. I had chosen not to blog because I want to be present in my surroundings rather than off in cyberspace.
Which is why, after a really cool experience at church this morning, I wanted to blog and then decided not to. Well, at least not about that really cool experience (I am blogging about not blogging) I’m going to keep that experience. For me and my immediate community. For now. Because I need to learn to live life without expecting praise, approval, or engagement from other people.
Which is why I have also decided to stop reading the blogs of other people (I keep up with close to 40 blogs) except for these four: 1, 2, 3, 4 which really aid my spiritual life. And, even then, I won’t be sharing the blogs with others or commenting on them.
And I am going to do this for the duration of my summer. That is, on the first day (or likely saturday before the first day) of classes next Fall (when I start my Master’s) I will post my next blog post. Also, that is when I will jump back into reading all of those other blogs (maybe, unless I like not reading them all).
This summer I am one of the Head Counselors for ACU’s summer Leadership Camps. The campers I work with are elementary school age. My job is to lead children to Jesus. And, while I’m at it, to offer spiritual direction to a staff of guys who have mostly just completed their freshmen years of college. This summer I am going to pray my heart out. Engage in authentic and life building community. And give of myself with no thought of return for the sake of God’s restoration plan for the world.
And I think I can do that better with no thought given creating witty, artsy, and edgy blog posts. With no checking of my stats after I post something to my blog. With not constant intake of stuff written by others that has little to do with what God immediately wants of me.
So I’m taking the final plunge, begun in January when I dropped Twitter and continued in March when I dropped Facebook.
I’ll see y’all in September.